my pulse

breakdance on paper

breakdance on paper (detail)

pregnant with the earth

pregnant with the earth (detail)

what i was doing instead of learning

"...The pressure to amend what is inherently gorgeous...Recognize your right to PUSH BACK." (Common Market)

ahem...I wrote sum poetry today...in math class.

wanna read???

ok. here goes.

Can't fix what is inherently flawless.
Like brushstrokes and backstrokes of pens on canvas paper pourous passion thru the words in her hands.
What she says rings in my head.
What she says is wind instruments in her throat...
Flawless...I need nothing else.

Can't amend what is inherently gorgeous.
The sun in the sky and the look in her eyes
She gave me that feeling that made touch the ceiling
(Everything shes doing got me cheesin...=P)
Went through jumped through bypassed all the meanings that could have and should have been our beginnings...
All that mattered was hands on thighs fingers in hair
And sighs...

Sighs that left us breathless and high...

Can't fix what is inevitable.

Desire.
And I need nothing else.

underwear goes inside the pants

I l_v_ this song soooo much...it was playin really loud in art and i just had to post it.

HERE WE GO! GET THE COOL...GET THE COOL SHOE SHINE!!!(gORILLAZ)

This morning, I had 3 donuts for breakfast. God bless Dunkin Donuts. But then realized i forgot all my important papers on my bed at home.

Anyway...

The highlights of my day were art, lunchtime, and afterskool...as always. But that' sumthing everyone in their rite minds can't complain about.

So, as promised, I took a pic of my last concentration piece.



I reallyreally like this one. It makes me excited just thinking about it.

Artistic masturbation much...?

This following one is actually my first concentration piece.



It was a breakthrough at the time and I was so hyped to show it off. LOL.

Right now...I'm about to go write sum more scholarship stuff.

I handed in an application today. SCORE. Gonna hand another one in tommorrow. SCORE.

the song Butter by Tribe was stuck in my head aaaall day. It kept me rockin to my own beat in classes i shoulda been paying attention in.

But no worries.

i gotta let ya kno that i got a crush on u...

So...yesterday was very nice. lol. that's the only way i can describe it.

Sunny and full of bike riding.

I love riding my bike, yo. Pee-Wee Herman status!

:-D tee-hee.

So...lemme speak about Tanya for a min. My Croatian boo. lol.

She texted me yesterday morning...we've been talking all weekend. I can't wait for this friday...She can dance and she said she likes dancing with me. She likes architecture and wants to be a cop...I was shy at first...lol but towards the end i was def on her lap...gettin it in...tee hee...
<---hoe

See now I'm crushin on her... She offered me a ride and breakfast, lol. She likes Grease the movie and cooking and she eats alot. We have a vibe. There's alot about her that I'm really diggin. She wants to see my artwork. Of course that gives her brownie points. LOL.

Then she said she'd teach me how to swim. . .

!!!PSYCH!!! Nobody is touching my irrational fear of the water. I'll panic and drown! 0.o GAH!!!!

:-) Yup. She's up there on my rite about now list. Spring is starting off very nicely.

Ellian needs to call me soon so I can tell her about prom. But, if all doesn't work out, Tanya is my backup. lol. Sweetness.

Fastfoward to current worries.

1. scholarships.
2. dunkin donuts is being a bitch cuz i applied and i came back today to look after my app and they said come back again on tuesday. BLAH!!
3. prom plans. my friends are being all over the place and out of contact. But we get things done...so it's not really a HUGE worry... ?_?

Tomorrow skool starts again. Thank goodness the spring will keep me alive.

Saturday: SAIC college pre-orientation; internship; PARTAY!!!
Sunday: CHURCH!!!; chill.

Once again, i'm counting down till friday. :-)

Oh Yeah

Past Days: Drama...Painting...Good Times...Pimpin :-P

Drama:

My cuz and her ex-gf... My cuz's ex-gf and my ex-gf. WTF? Me and my cuz- FUCK THEM. End.

Painting:

I finished the painting I was working on...it looks amazing. I forgot to take a picture so next post I'll put it up later. And i started another one. I might do a monoprint for my next piece. :-)

Good Times:

I love my friends...I have a prom date...:-D ice cream...It snowed on the first day of spring...(?????!!!!)...spring fever...I got a scholarship to SAIC...applying to more scholarships...stress but it's good stress...3 more months in High School!!!...I finished DonorBoy and I started another book named The Center of The World...

Pimpin :-P:

Ellian...Tanya...Mary...Mara...Nikki...Nicole...

Ok sorry for the womanizing. But...I don't think it's that bad...I'm a good girl. :-)

Anyway..It's saturday. SECOND DAY OF SPRING MAKES IT OFFICIAL!!! :-D



I gotta email bosses and stuff...Type up scholarship essays. Then chillax.

Exhale!...

!!!

In my big black flowy pants today, I felt like Bette. LOL.



:-P

Today was cool. Youth group JJ after Intern

Okay. In all honesty - I'm a flower. When the sun appears. . .I get so happy. :-D

But, anyway, I'm interning on Saturdays now. It's better for me and Ima just see how things work out.

I'm thinking about me as an artist slash person slash other. Bear with me as I sound to start kinda crazy. . .

There is something inside of me that I'm afraid of. Some presence that I haven't tapped into yet. Its a place of hysteria, and pain, and pleasure and sexuality. It's all in my mind alot of times and It surprises me sumtimes. Some way some how this force is gonna come out in my artwork. That's why I feel so much more comfortable performing and doing sumthing physical along with my visual art. It's like my brain stops working so hard about thinking of a concept all the while and shyt like that and my body just takes over. But I'm afraid of it cuz it feels so so so very delicious.


I need to explore myself.

I often get random visions of me doing sum wild unique collaborative performative piece.Tears sting my eyes when I feel that pleasure of perfection pierce through my body. It's so very far away but so close.

I never write them down, which is what I ought to do, but I guess I'll start doing that now cuz now It might be a cool way to find out what I really wanna do with the (he)art inside of me.

The Endurance Manifesto. Something that inspired me. (That only i will prolly read cuz it's so long). Papo Colo is the co-founder of Exit Art which is where I intern. He's kind of amazing in an ethereal way.

Visual Art Update (in hopes that there will be a performative component soon):


Actual Painting



Negative(ly) Affect(ed) Pic of Painting

Guess which one gets my vote as the coolest. :-P

Nite!

la alma

the soul/latin soul

My boss Devin can SANG!!!!! He can't only sing. . .but he can SANG!!! Good Lord!!!

He wrote this song called La Alma. It's about the stolen Latin(a) soul. It was gorgeous. I hope Liika can record it soon so I can post it. :-D

His voice is so untamed and tragically beautiful. Nothing else can be expected from that beautiful two-sprited person of fire and soul.

Aside from that, my day was awesum!!!

JJ bought me and Liika ice cream. :-D

JJ took mad cute twinny pics of us eating the springtime treat and I would put them up RIGHT HERE except. . .Liika lost the USB cable to upload the pics from her cam. Go figure.

In art, I finished the hug piece. . .



And started playing with sum sketches and ideas for my next piece. This is an example of one of my many many (4 in total :-P) ideas.






:-D

I'm excited as always. I love splashing my colors and deep folds and all of that into the canvas. It turns me on in all ways possible.

Um. . .bad(!!!) news. I'm thinking about cutting my internship short cuz of the money monkey on my back.

Sigh. . .Iono. Update soon tho. . .I mean, If I do end up having to do that, It wouldn't be soooo bad cuz I've learned sooo much and I have that connection now and maybe later in the summer I can come back and keep in contact. :-D

Optimism is key. Other than that. . .I felt mad good today. I feel the spring fever. Def had a little random lady love towards the end of my day. :-)

Well. G'nite. Internship on the morrow. 3 more days till the weekend. Score.

that thrill

I have this song on repeat. :-)



I have that excited feeling in my tummy. Butterflies. I don't know why. But it happened and I'm so happy. :-)

It's cuz I know that when I get that feeling, something good is happening or is about to happen. It's always been like that with my body language. So yea. Happiness.

In answer to Jason Mraz...yea i think the dreamer is the real me.

I've been working on this concentration piece that Ima finish tommorrow. Heres a little preview.



It's a hug. A better picture will be up soon cuz I'm almost finished.

I want this sweatshirt. It's from To Write Love On Her Arms. Awesum story behind that organization. Check it out.



Today was as ok as school days can be. I'm lookin forward to this weekend and def next weekend. :-) Big plans.

I wrote alot in my journal today. . .reading this book called Donorboy. About a girl whos moms died at the same time. I picked it up at the Bronx Public Lib while my lil sis was looking for a book. It's cool. I'm searching for a better book though. :-P

I need something more intense than a young adult bestseller. . . na mean??

I have work on the morrow. . .<---cool beans.

I found a new blog to read. :-D



http://www.nyartbeat.com/nyablog/

It's just my style. I'm bout to check out sum of their events.

But anyway. Countdown till Friday. Nite.

I'm gonna let Digable Planets put me to sleep. . .

how lany got her groove back

This weekend wasn't as hype as last. At least. . . not in the same way.

Chilled in the Bronx with my family. Went to a gospel concert at my church. Asaph Womack performed.

My church is awesumly episcopalian. . :-P

But. . .anyway. I just got back to Baldwin and its 10 pm. I wanted to type before I hit the sack because the comp in my dad's wasn't working.

I've been thinking a lot about a lot these past few days. And I realized alot about myself and what I can do with what I have. And what I can do about what I lost. And how to cope without becoming bitter. And stay my lovely self.

I'm gonna write. And draw. And paint. And dance. And sing. And fuck. And sleep. And party. And laugh. And write sum more. Not think about the past. Only the future. Because that's whats happening right now. ya digg?

Living in the future. . .I'll make peace with my past and make the most of my present. . .

I don't want to think anymore honestly. Because, as exhausted as my heart is, I'll just cry. I don want any more tears but the moment i think I've escaped them. . they come back again.

So I've packed away all the gifts she's given me. And boxed up all the irrelevant letters she's written. And stopped fantasizing about reunions and the things she's promised me.

Right now,thinking about that makes me happy. Truly happy.



My biggest fear is that I'll become like everyone else.

Tongue-in-cheek poetry. . .:-)

B-girl stance
Baggy pants
Knows what she wants. . .

Use everythign she got
What she got's alot
Spin, Flip.
Pose on the down beat.

Look up in the sky.
God got the cheat sheet.

I watched this IFC thing called The Blacklist:Volume Two. It was an hour full of awesum interviews of history making blak peeps. I l_v_ watching interviews and documentaries like that. After that film, I watched a show showing the food and culture of Memphis. It looked damn good. I wanna go vaca there and try a Po Boy and sum gumbo. :-9

I'm on my mission. Im not on my shyt (as many youngins say nowadays).

IM ON A MISSION. AND GOD HELP ME IF I FAIL. (but i wont. duh.)

Somethings i wanna do really bad:

http://trinityhiphop.org/

(and)

http://www.bronxacademyofartsanddance.org/schedule.htm

:-[. . .

:-] goodnite tho.

Steph-O Urban Word

Original Video - More videos at TinyPic

Is it Urban?? Word!!

So I experienced some more emcee ruckus on sunday.

It was soooo goooood. I couldn't take my eyes off all the young peeps reppin.



I went to support my homie Stephen. He def ripped it. I was so amazed by his words. But it wasn't really surprising. Haha. . .we all know he's really good. Me and Liika and Jimmy were hype. Haha.

But. . .the host? His poem?? It was the fucking shit. I wish I coulda recorded it.

It was like he ripped open my head and stripped my brain of all its wrinkles. I felt simultaneously braindead and speechless and headheavy of all the things i could say to describe it. But my words wouldn't suffice.

That's the point. These peeps had gifts that made them unique. It inspires me to be and do even more than I originally planned or hoped for. Cuz I know I'm unique, and I wanna make the best of everything and recognize the full potential of things.

I'm gonna ponder. . .
1. to develop my B-Girl stance (breakdancin :-D)
2. hip hop dance classes
3. NYFA or sum other workshop related stuff. Iono what tho.
4. Displaying my artwork in the city/some alternative way of showing peeps my art other than skool functions.
4. something else

But yea other than that. . . I'm really enjoying my concentration in art. I feel very confident in what i can do and i like that I'm trying new things and taking more risks in my artwork. Figuring out what i haven't done yet. That's a whole lot.



I'll take some really good pictures of my pieces soon. Upload and open to the public. :-)

I've been taking alot of interesting risks lately. . .

Momma's Hip Hop Kitchen.

I truly believe that God is a DJ.



Today was amazing!

Experienced the best thing I've experienced in a while. Reaffirmed my love for the Bronx and womyn.

Black, boricua, asian womyn...yum.

"A Womyn of color response to faith, feminism, and hip hop."

This is what I needed. It came at the right time and in the right way. I've been living with hip hop blastin out my stereo for a while...and I'm feeling like...mmmm...



AZUCAR!!!

Yo. . .Denise Frohman aka Ms. Miconseption is the shyt. So many female emcees in one place blows my mind and pushes me to fully recognize.

"I got more soul than Bob Marley's segregated dreadlocks."

"Direction of ascension..."

"I am the tree that you saw in the distance that you didn't think was so tall."

Ok! Another emcee. Queen GodIs (God Is.)



She has so much soul.

Today was like many souls colliding into one big lesbian spiritual orgasm.


Another beauty. They're sisters. Called "Misnomer(s)". The emcee is named Knewdles (noodles) and the violinist is named SOS (sauce). . .



Well. I'm worn out. Decided to not attend two parties. Oh for the love of music. . .

:-) this is my church. music is my church. it is where i heal my hurt.

good lawd

{{{{{"I am comfortable in my own skin and feel no need to please anyone else. I know what I like, what I want, and what I love. Nobody can change that and it is disrespect if they try to. It also means that I am a person of experiences, pride and compassion. I will stand up to those everyday oppressors. My little corner of the universe revolves around the fact that all you need is love and the rest will follow. Everyone deserves the same chances, the same respect. Humanity is not a privilege."

-That's what I wrote in an online interview hosted by a lesbian blog spot. I really like it and wanted to save it so i posted it here for safekeeping.}}}}}

Getting past this kind of relationship has been like packing up everything and putting it away for safekeeping. Everything was important. The best things don't last. I wonder if I should give her back her uber-comfy sweatshirt though.



One of the things I don't like about being single is not having that one person to talk to who will listen to you even if you repeat yourself just because they want to hear your voice. It's those kinds of things that draw me to relationships.

If this chick was able to keep her phone intact for more than a couple of days then I would have a steady rebound. Nah chill. A buddy. She is def not relationship material. She's a smoker.

But kissing a smoker isn't really like licking an ashtray. . .

;-)



Ellian was talkin on the phone and killed me after takin this pic cuz she looked silly.



We were eatin sushi in some place in the city...:-D It was a great day.

California rolls and salmon and rice rolls. I tried spicy mustard with soy sauce mixed in. . .It was delish. I wanna see her again.

But anyway. . .in my immediate surroundings. . .I see no hope in that area. But it's all good cuz I don't need it.

I made a female paper bag puppet. It's a secret. Share. I'm a child at heart. :-D



Her Face



And it flips open to reveal a bird flying in the sky.

HER HEAD IS IN THE CLOUDS!!

Fast Forward?

I was just jammin to Q-Tip and LL Cool J and Digable Planets and some other old school stuff. And decided to drop a line.

Today was chill. I'm slowly getting over my misfortunes. I actually got some stuff done that will really help my future, like scholarships and stuff.

I seriously hate school. It's just in my way. . .

Why must I get up in the morning so early when i know i'm just gonna be put to sleep all day.

The only thing I'm enjoying is art. . . And maybe economics. Cuz it actually matters. . .na mean??

Move - Q--Tip

Pictures from yesterday.



Me and My Zak Zak



The One and Only JJ



Me Eating Six Boxes of Mac n Cheese!!!



Me + Her = BFFL!!!

And so. . . I must return to the symphony of everyday things.

Cleaning and chores in this house of mine.

Luchini - Camp lo

the twister to the slammer

that's jazz/jive talk for "the key".

:-) cuz i'm cool like dat.

snow day was cool. stayed home and relaxed of course. drew alot. chilled in my room with awesum music ALOT. so i count this day as meaningfully empty. and i like it like that.

This blog will serve as my sketchbook/ paintposting spot. Every entry will contain a piece of artwork or happening from my day or anything very recently.

HERE WE GO!!! GET THE COOL!! GET THE COOL SHOESHINE!!! (The Gorillaz for those who don't know...)

Keep Fishing - Weezer

This piece was inspired by my abundance of weezer blastin out my stereo today.



Full



Detail 1



Detail 2



Detail 3

I had so much fun doing this. I fingerpainted with acrylic...sketched with pen...marked with sharpie...tee hee...it just makes me smile...I'm actually smiling alot lately...

Goodnight.