!!!

In my big black flowy pants today, I felt like Bette. LOL.



:-P

Today was cool. Youth group JJ after Intern

Okay. In all honesty - I'm a flower. When the sun appears. . .I get so happy. :-D

But, anyway, I'm interning on Saturdays now. It's better for me and Ima just see how things work out.

I'm thinking about me as an artist slash person slash other. Bear with me as I sound to start kinda crazy. . .

There is something inside of me that I'm afraid of. Some presence that I haven't tapped into yet. Its a place of hysteria, and pain, and pleasure and sexuality. It's all in my mind alot of times and It surprises me sumtimes. Some way some how this force is gonna come out in my artwork. That's why I feel so much more comfortable performing and doing sumthing physical along with my visual art. It's like my brain stops working so hard about thinking of a concept all the while and shyt like that and my body just takes over. But I'm afraid of it cuz it feels so so so very delicious.


I need to explore myself.

I often get random visions of me doing sum wild unique collaborative performative piece.Tears sting my eyes when I feel that pleasure of perfection pierce through my body. It's so very far away but so close.

I never write them down, which is what I ought to do, but I guess I'll start doing that now cuz now It might be a cool way to find out what I really wanna do with the (he)art inside of me.

The Endurance Manifesto. Something that inspired me. (That only i will prolly read cuz it's so long). Papo Colo is the co-founder of Exit Art which is where I intern. He's kind of amazing in an ethereal way.

Visual Art Update (in hopes that there will be a performative component soon):


Actual Painting



Negative(ly) Affect(ed) Pic of Painting

Guess which one gets my vote as the coolest. :-P

Nite!

la alma

the soul/latin soul

My boss Devin can SANG!!!!! He can't only sing. . .but he can SANG!!! Good Lord!!!

He wrote this song called La Alma. It's about the stolen Latin(a) soul. It was gorgeous. I hope Liika can record it soon so I can post it. :-D

His voice is so untamed and tragically beautiful. Nothing else can be expected from that beautiful two-sprited person of fire and soul.

Aside from that, my day was awesum!!!

JJ bought me and Liika ice cream. :-D

JJ took mad cute twinny pics of us eating the springtime treat and I would put them up RIGHT HERE except. . .Liika lost the USB cable to upload the pics from her cam. Go figure.

In art, I finished the hug piece. . .



And started playing with sum sketches and ideas for my next piece. This is an example of one of my many many (4 in total :-P) ideas.






:-D

I'm excited as always. I love splashing my colors and deep folds and all of that into the canvas. It turns me on in all ways possible.

Um. . .bad(!!!) news. I'm thinking about cutting my internship short cuz of the money monkey on my back.

Sigh. . .Iono. Update soon tho. . .I mean, If I do end up having to do that, It wouldn't be soooo bad cuz I've learned sooo much and I have that connection now and maybe later in the summer I can come back and keep in contact. :-D

Optimism is key. Other than that. . .I felt mad good today. I feel the spring fever. Def had a little random lady love towards the end of my day. :-)

Well. G'nite. Internship on the morrow. 3 more days till the weekend. Score.

that thrill

I have this song on repeat. :-)



I have that excited feeling in my tummy. Butterflies. I don't know why. But it happened and I'm so happy. :-)

It's cuz I know that when I get that feeling, something good is happening or is about to happen. It's always been like that with my body language. So yea. Happiness.

In answer to Jason Mraz...yea i think the dreamer is the real me.

I've been working on this concentration piece that Ima finish tommorrow. Heres a little preview.



It's a hug. A better picture will be up soon cuz I'm almost finished.

I want this sweatshirt. It's from To Write Love On Her Arms. Awesum story behind that organization. Check it out.



Today was as ok as school days can be. I'm lookin forward to this weekend and def next weekend. :-) Big plans.

I wrote alot in my journal today. . .reading this book called Donorboy. About a girl whos moms died at the same time. I picked it up at the Bronx Public Lib while my lil sis was looking for a book. It's cool. I'm searching for a better book though. :-P

I need something more intense than a young adult bestseller. . . na mean??

I have work on the morrow. . .<---cool beans.

I found a new blog to read. :-D



http://www.nyartbeat.com/nyablog/

It's just my style. I'm bout to check out sum of their events.

But anyway. Countdown till Friday. Nite.

I'm gonna let Digable Planets put me to sleep. . .

how lany got her groove back

This weekend wasn't as hype as last. At least. . . not in the same way.

Chilled in the Bronx with my family. Went to a gospel concert at my church. Asaph Womack performed.

My church is awesumly episcopalian. . :-P

But. . .anyway. I just got back to Baldwin and its 10 pm. I wanted to type before I hit the sack because the comp in my dad's wasn't working.

I've been thinking a lot about a lot these past few days. And I realized alot about myself and what I can do with what I have. And what I can do about what I lost. And how to cope without becoming bitter. And stay my lovely self.

I'm gonna write. And draw. And paint. And dance. And sing. And fuck. And sleep. And party. And laugh. And write sum more. Not think about the past. Only the future. Because that's whats happening right now. ya digg?

Living in the future. . .I'll make peace with my past and make the most of my present. . .

I don't want to think anymore honestly. Because, as exhausted as my heart is, I'll just cry. I don want any more tears but the moment i think I've escaped them. . they come back again.

So I've packed away all the gifts she's given me. And boxed up all the irrelevant letters she's written. And stopped fantasizing about reunions and the things she's promised me.

Right now,thinking about that makes me happy. Truly happy.



My biggest fear is that I'll become like everyone else.

Tongue-in-cheek poetry. . .:-)

B-girl stance
Baggy pants
Knows what she wants. . .

Use everythign she got
What she got's alot
Spin, Flip.
Pose on the down beat.

Look up in the sky.
God got the cheat sheet.

I watched this IFC thing called The Blacklist:Volume Two. It was an hour full of awesum interviews of history making blak peeps. I l_v_ watching interviews and documentaries like that. After that film, I watched a show showing the food and culture of Memphis. It looked damn good. I wanna go vaca there and try a Po Boy and sum gumbo. :-9

I'm on my mission. Im not on my shyt (as many youngins say nowadays).

IM ON A MISSION. AND GOD HELP ME IF I FAIL. (but i wont. duh.)

Somethings i wanna do really bad:

http://trinityhiphop.org/

(and)

http://www.bronxacademyofartsanddance.org/schedule.htm

:-[. . .

:-] goodnite tho.

Steph-O Urban Word

Original Video - More videos at TinyPic