...For the World

...Nothing is at it seems. Even though it seems like my days consist of work and sleep, in reality, my dreams are bursting at the seams.



Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah SHIT!!!!

Check this out...

Today was so fucked up tho. So much and I just had a crying fit to caress my heart. All I want is...peace of mind. And I'm not happy lately. With myself I mean and when that happens, things just don't go right. My mindset gets all emotional and confused and heavy.

I need to go to Harlem.

*I applied to three schools so far. All that's left is to send my transcript and recommendation letters. Just keeping y'all up to date.*



I'm falling in love with Owl City. :-) This is the Future and YOU ARE ALIVE.

And I'm learning how to be in a relationship with jersey girl. It's so fucking hard guys, like, I didn't know it would be so hard. But, unlike the last one, this is worth it. <---- (Feel free to start a convo in my comment box!!) :-P

Do I really know who I am as a person? Yes. I do. I don't know everything cuz I don't know the future, but I do know my right now.

Work at Starbucks is cool. I can't complain. I don't dread coming to work. But I'm still searching for some art outside my mind and my room.

In other words, I'm looking for another art gallery to call home. Exit Art will always be my fave tho. I absolutely LOVE that place.

Uhm.... I think I will save up for a camera. And then a laptop.

And now I'm bringing myself back to these times...





Word Diva Diva.



Truth.

And yooooo. from Devil's Halo. Check it. (Great remake. There's a puddle on my seat from listening to this song...) I love Meshell.





Sigh...Other than that. I need to party with my girls. Very soon. Or Ima go craaaazy. (@GirlJimmy)

Peace. And Prayers.

Closer to My Dreams

I know my time will come. Waiting patiently.

****REMIXXXX****

And Oh Ye Yo

I was supposed to go get some laundry done... but it's rainy. Not gonna happen.

So I skipped to the next best thing.

College essays. Subjects. 250 words max...

1. When I was a minority.
2. When I failed and when I succeeded.
3. Where I'm from and how single aspect of that affected my life.

Hm... My answers no doubt will be including some inspirational shit. Maybe too much personality. Haha. Better to be honest...

And... I've been thinking about my mother. She is so complicated. Kholi twittered something that hit my heart like a wave on a seashore... Made me sigh and want to cry.

"Yes, Mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me."

I love her so and I want to be with her forever. And I miss her. And I need her. I know I haven't made that clear. But that is how we are both so similar. I get a lot of my personality from her and it's crazy how from day to day, I realize how deep me and her are connected. Like meeting her for the first time in my life.



Ye Yo means Mother in Swahili so says Erykah. And, yes, I believe her. &-)

"If you want to go to heaven, lay upon my breast..." Deep Erykah.

Way deep.

And oh how I love when women go deep inside of me...

With that said, I'm reflecting. And I'm calling my mother...to tell her I miss her...

nerds have a scent of gold

Waaah. I am atlas. Hold the world on my shoulders while I dance in my highest heels. I dream in color and sleep in the sunlight shining through my window.

By the way to all who sent me good wishes... I got the job!!

Full time jobs are crazy. But... first time for everything...Blah...

Always tired and It's hard to make time for my artistic tendency...

Uhm. I Iove Santogold. And The Strokes. . . And Little Dragon. And Janelle Monae. And Madonna... Haha.

I like working at starbucks tho and it's a pretty good job. Actually really good experience. I heard urban outfitters pays 11 and hour tho...Hm. Lol. Whatever tho. I'm tryna focus on getting into school now. Cuz it's WAY over due.

1. NYU
2. Eugene Lang New School for Liberal Arts
3. SVA

That's my list so far... Spring Semester hopefully. I need ot get back on track.

Cuz I'm not supposed to be JUST a working girl. I have to be more. I'm meant for more...



Peace. Gotta find my...oooooooh.

; )

Lesbian Christian Part Deux: U People

I thought some more fellow bloggers...I know I haven't typed in a while. So here goes!

FIRST: I went to an AWESOME open house at The LGBT Center at West 13th St. on Sept. 15.

I got into this convo with a man who represented a church called GIFTS. (A Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Fellowship at Marble Collegiate Church). He explained to me the basis of his church--- "because we are brought up a certain way, we are pressured to reject ourselves and believe that being Gay is a sin. But, the teachings about God creating us and God being in control fully rejects the idea that being gay is a sin."

He told me about a woman who teaches at the church, who is a nun (:-0 WOAH...),that the stories and teachings of the bible don't condemn homosexuality. She's going against the catholic church, basically...obviously...

I told him that I've been recently thinking about my faith and my love for God and my wondering if God loves me and if my being a lesbian was gonna put me in hell...

He gave me this piece of paper entitled: What the Bible Says (and Doesn't Say) About Homosexuality presented by Sister Carol Perry (the nun).

I read it and I'm so very confused...

Here are the links to the scriptures...

Genesis 19:1-10

Leviticus 18:22

Matthew 10:14-15

Romans 1:26-27

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

1 Timothy 1:9-10

Yea so after reading those.. I was even more confused. Maybe I'm missing something.

Other that, the open house was GREAT. I want to do so much at the programs that were there.

ESPECIALLY THE "AUDRE LORDE PROJECT". Definitely gonna see what that's about...

SECOND: My discoveries about the world around me: It is impossible for all of us to conform to a certain image in order to make it to heaven. I pray, read the Bible, attend church... and all of that. I refuse to believe that I am exempt from God's graces because I relate to women in a way that society deems unnatural. Honestly, it makes no sense to me.

God came to this earth and died for our sins- which included hating those different from us. Racism, classism, heterosexism and all these fucking -isms have been used to exempt people from the good things in life throughout TIME. And it is about TIME that we all just say FUCK THAT and learn from the past. Either that or a REVOLUTION GON COME.

WHO IS ANYONE TO SAY WHAT GOD SAYS? I WOULD NEVER PRESUME TO SAY I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THIS WORLD IS ABOUT. ONLY GOD KNOWS. SO I CAN'T HATE ON GOD'S CREATIVITY. I KNOW HE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR THOUGH. . . That's why you gotta laugh a little bit sometimes at the shit people go through to hurt others. Those kinds of people are called HATERS.

Those who have nothing else to do with their lives except to deprive people of life itself.

Roman 3:23 "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God."

Now, I must admit that, with all this talk, I am still sooo very insecure about my being/ myself. But the thing is that I know the outcome I just gotta get there. I know that in the end, I will once again find peace in being myself and accepting who I am. I just gotta get through this.

And remain who I am. Spiritual, loved by God, filled with love for Him, myself, my family (even those who hate), my life...

I'm surprised I didn't experience this self doubt when I came out at 13. I'm 18 next Saturday and I'm just now experiencing this questioning and fear. Go figure.

VIDEO BREAK!!!!

"He Doesn't Want a Conflict" - U People Story (11.07.1)
by upeople_archive

Third!!

I've had two interviews with Starbucks...and I have the third one tomorrow!! Wish me luck!! I really REALLY wanna work there!!...

Last: I've started to paint and create again... Soon pics will be uploaded...

Much love...