Uhm

I'm eating cup noodles and drinking green tea. I love this feeling.

That's about the only peace I've had in the past couple days... So much has happened.

But I had a feeling change was gonna come... I absolutely knew it. But that doesn't mean I as prepared...

I'm afraid of what may come... and I'm afraid of typing out my fears here on the screen about my family, my love, and my future... cuz it's all so real. The ones who read this blog kinda know me... that I panic... But then again... I've always said what I had to say and what I've thought... Maybe within the next week, It'll all come out of my fingers...I'm off till Sunday. So I have time to think and recuperate...and most likely panic some more...

Going to north carolina for thanksgiving. Leaving in about twenty minutes...

Ttyl...

Sick and Tired!!!!

That's how I feel working so much with no personal advancement to speak of.

Exhausted. Ugh. I'm too young to be working full time and close to overtime. My mind is DEF NOT doing backflips and poplocks...

Anyway. I haven't painted in a while. Again. It's like a steady thing now. And I feel like I'm wasting away. I know this post is not very uplifting... Forgive me.

And FEEL FREE to leave sum inspiration in my comment box. Just a little upliftage...

And sooooooooo. I'm looking for a new job. :-D One that doesn't threaten to kill me.

Hmmmmm. Today marks the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. Sweet. That lightened my mood a little bit.

Uhm. I'm kinda blank. I think mite gesso some cardboard rite now. I bought acrylic paint. Oh and here's an oil painting that I did a couple weeks ago that i think never made it on here.



I need time to myself or mite just explode. The feeling I get when I know I'm doing something great is incomparable to any other feeling in this world.

I want to wear a dress with sum tights and boots and a sexy jacket. I want to spend hours in my room painting without worrying about losing my job. I want to read books of poetry. I want to go to barnes and noble and pick up books that have been on my list for quite a while... I need to relax.

I wanna be myself again. I know it's possible to not be stressed to the limit and still do what I gotta do. I've been there before. And I miss it.



...I'm trying.

Nuff said. Buh bye.

...For the World

...Nothing is at it seems. Even though it seems like my days consist of work and sleep, in reality, my dreams are bursting at the seams.



Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah SHIT!!!!

Check this out...

Today was so fucked up tho. So much and I just had a crying fit to caress my heart. All I want is...peace of mind. And I'm not happy lately. With myself I mean and when that happens, things just don't go right. My mindset gets all emotional and confused and heavy.

I need to go to Harlem.

*I applied to three schools so far. All that's left is to send my transcript and recommendation letters. Just keeping y'all up to date.*



I'm falling in love with Owl City. :-) This is the Future and YOU ARE ALIVE.

And I'm learning how to be in a relationship with jersey girl. It's so fucking hard guys, like, I didn't know it would be so hard. But, unlike the last one, this is worth it. <---- (Feel free to start a convo in my comment box!!) :-P

Do I really know who I am as a person? Yes. I do. I don't know everything cuz I don't know the future, but I do know my right now.

Work at Starbucks is cool. I can't complain. I don't dread coming to work. But I'm still searching for some art outside my mind and my room.

In other words, I'm looking for another art gallery to call home. Exit Art will always be my fave tho. I absolutely LOVE that place.

Uhm.... I think I will save up for a camera. And then a laptop.

And now I'm bringing myself back to these times...





Word Diva Diva.



Truth.

And yooooo. from Devil's Halo. Check it. (Great remake. There's a puddle on my seat from listening to this song...) I love Meshell.





Sigh...Other than that. I need to party with my girls. Very soon. Or Ima go craaaazy. (@GirlJimmy)

Peace. And Prayers.

Closer to My Dreams

I know my time will come. Waiting patiently.

****REMIXXXX****

And Oh Ye Yo

I was supposed to go get some laundry done... but it's rainy. Not gonna happen.

So I skipped to the next best thing.

College essays. Subjects. 250 words max...

1. When I was a minority.
2. When I failed and when I succeeded.
3. Where I'm from and how single aspect of that affected my life.

Hm... My answers no doubt will be including some inspirational shit. Maybe too much personality. Haha. Better to be honest...

And... I've been thinking about my mother. She is so complicated. Kholi twittered something that hit my heart like a wave on a seashore... Made me sigh and want to cry.

"Yes, Mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me."

I love her so and I want to be with her forever. And I miss her. And I need her. I know I haven't made that clear. But that is how we are both so similar. I get a lot of my personality from her and it's crazy how from day to day, I realize how deep me and her are connected. Like meeting her for the first time in my life.



Ye Yo means Mother in Swahili so says Erykah. And, yes, I believe her. &-)

"If you want to go to heaven, lay upon my breast..." Deep Erykah.

Way deep.

And oh how I love when women go deep inside of me...

With that said, I'm reflecting. And I'm calling my mother...to tell her I miss her...