Future::Sagaba::Oxygen

::IMPORTANT::LYRICS::(AND AWESUM BLOG LINK::)

"...she got that gift of gravity pulling to ask her name
she says sagaba
what’s it mean?
she says in ilokano
it translates into suffering..."

"...now i couldn’t stand to see the queen breathe her dreams away
and tell me her tomorrow will never become today"

"dreams be the ashes burnt and thrashing in the wind
flying out of the burning bush attached to sista’s hand
she whispers “word”
smiling giving thanks and living in
doubt, no longer as she figures out the riddle to the song
saying why must we suffer now to not suffer later if
later never comes soon enough to soothe the hatred
and hatred is the cancer spilling out love’s absence
and the absence is the void left from missing every chance to
challenge our fate and perhaps our very names
sista says peace and prayers for rain and change"

...I feel like the storyteller met me...in a way...word...

Yo. I've been feeling Blue Scholars deep in my bones for like... mad long...


☛ Sooo... I had a dream a couple of nights ago ☚

::::: I fell asleep and In the dream I was in the bed that I fell asleep in as if I was awake. But. I couldn't move!! I was so terrified!!

I tried to call my sister. She came in the room even though I couldn't even open my mouth. She couldn't help me I tried to lift me legs... my arms... my head... I couldn't do a damn thing. Like I was paralyzed.

Then a mirror appeared before me so that I could see my body. So I could see my struggle. Then I looked myself in the face and thought::: If God wants me to move, He will allow me to move:::

Then I moved my head to get in a more comfortable position to wait for God's word. To my surprise, my head moved so freely and that movement woke me up as if I had moved in my head while I was awake.

I woke up even more terrified because God has spoken to me. Then after a couple seconds with the light on in my room... I became elated.

I had been praying for a word from Him. A steady rock. An encouragement that everything will be alright in this season of intense turmoil in my life. And He came through.

That's why I stay on my grind, yo. I want my dreams...my goals...to be as big as my actions...

And so. Through all the prayer, and the church...and more prayer. And off the CHAIN pastors and ministers who sound crazy and act sorta ghetto... (God has a sense of humor ya'll)...

I'm blessed more than a muh f*cka. :-D

Jay-Z is right. Life starts when the church ends. But that's only cuz God follows wherever you take him. Don't have to keep ur praise in the building. I still raise and clap my hands anywhere I go.

Thank you Lord. :-)

Ok.. So... mad shit goin down in my family. Court cases. Yes. Plural.

Uhm...School madness. (When, oh when is my turn?? Soon!! Now!!)

Work stress. (Rude people don't deserve customer service. We need a slapping policy...gnome sayin'??)

But at this moment...

I'm dying to finish up...

...this painting.>>> *Up!*

Hey Hey Hey!!

Wats this?!!

:-D



(Music:: Shing02 "Luv (sic) pt. 2")

Reminds me of the painting I did of my lil sis...



>>*Oxygen*<< Inspired by Willy Mason "Oxygen"

"...I wanna be better than oxygen
So you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees
I wanna speak louder than Ritalin
For all the children who think that they've got a disease
I wanna be cooler than t.v.
For all the kids that are wondering what they are going to be
We can be stronger than bombs
If you're singing along and you know that you really believe
We can be richer than industry
As long as we know that there's things that we don't really need
We can speak louder than ignorance
Cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet...."

It's amazing. It's beautiful. Peace.

ReVamp

I'm "Bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and off beat."

I'm an amateur at this ... But i'm feeling great nonetheless.



Thanxxx to my GirlJimmy for inspiring me to revisit cool calm pete. Don't have him in my i-pod. I have no reason. Yessss, I should be punished. Lol.



Jammin to Mos Def lately. This track is most definitely my mantra for this moment in my life. My mind's life. My life's mind.

This week has been pretty great because of my state of mind. I'm just ACHING to express myself...

A POSITIVE STATE OF MIND is NECESSARY for success. Even if that means just getting through the day.

Church was last nite.

The guy who plays the keyboard in our house band ministered to us.

He's so full of funk maaaaan... His approach in God and life is soooo gangsta. I mean, I was feeling everything he was saying. About prayer and fasting. And GIVING GOD ACCESS and trusting in the Lord and his mighty power. :-D

Makes me smile and just give thanks for his goodness. Because of who he is, I don't have to worry.

Yea I'm human and I get caught up in things and situations and emotions...but I know htat if I just take a minute and breath and get connected with the soul and Spitit within me... I know he got the victory.

So... with that said. I got that ole familiar itch in my fingertips.

I'm ready.

For the paint.

For the action.

Let's go.

The trouble with being myself.

I am relating to a psychopath.. apparently...



"It never adds up when you do your math..."

"Love is a desert and I need it to rain..."

"Love is butter won't you be my bread?..."

Never knew how much I fucking LOVE Macy Gray. She's like a throwback to a past life wen i was a popstar. Lol. I relate to everything she sings and top of that, her mind is all over the place. My kinda girl.

Anywayz... This baked ziti is the bomb.

I'll take this one on the chin I guess. And try harder at life. Cuz it's a real drag rite now.

I hang out sometimes but it's mostly me and me. Is she the one for me? I believe so.

Meanwhile, I do have a lot of time. Then again, I have only this moment. Simple.

:::FLASHBACK::::
I remember when I used to write stories that were medleys of band names and song titles... They were pretty cute.

Great song...A moment to myself... The lyrics are occasionally my mantra...



I bitch alot. Sometimes about nothing. Sometimes about everything. That don't mean I dont realize wat i got and wat i could lose. God is watching and sooner or later...he'll show up. And soooo...



The lyrics are kickass. No doubt. I'm in the process of cleaning up. So...

Peace...

Things Fall Apart, Just Pray

Drama found me. You know how I hate drama. And no matter how i avoid it, it sneaks up on me...

You know how mothers are important to daughters... I'm always worrying about her..
Typing rite now is so hard for some reason. It usually comes so fluid... ya know?

I feel like many things are ending. Some things I've prayed to end for a long time cuz I know that they don't belong.

The other, I did't expect to end at all. It all came in such a flash...

Overwhelming me and I need time to handle it but there is none. It's all out of my control.

I know things don't always work in my favor. They hardly ever do and I'm used to it.

But at this moment, I feel like I'm caught in a whirlwind. I know this is supposed to be a vacation but it feels nothing like it.



For a while now, I haven't been able to paint like I need to. But I brought paint and canvas over here with me. So tommorrow morning, hopefully I can get something going on...

I told myself that I wouldn't break down. But I didn't keep that promise. And now I feel weak.

Strength is somewhere there... I know it is... I've felt it before...

I feel like I'm floating... When my heart is so heavy, my mind leaves my body and I can't function and I panic. And that's when I need my closest people by my side...

Some are coming through but others aren't.

December 11 is a day that I'm preparing for while all this other shit is happening.

I'm waiting for Hunter to contact me.

I need to find passion within me. Now. NOW.

I feel like my efforts are only a drop in the bucket. I feel like crying some more tho. I need some support.

I know today is Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for my family, my friends, my health, my past and my future. I thank God every day. Literally. Cuz I know I can lose it all in one second.

At the same time, I have worries and a heart full of sorrow. That I' trying to mend into hope. Desperately.

Writing about it helps alot. I'm contemplating my dreams and fears at this moment in time.



"Without pieces, you can never build something new."

I'll go into more detail tommorrow tho.

It's dessert time.

*gobble gobble*

Uhm

I'm eating cup noodles and drinking green tea. I love this feeling.

That's about the only peace I've had in the past couple days... So much has happened.

But I had a feeling change was gonna come... I absolutely knew it. But that doesn't mean I as prepared...

I'm afraid of what may come... and I'm afraid of typing out my fears here on the screen about my family, my love, and my future... cuz it's all so real. The ones who read this blog kinda know me... that I panic... But then again... I've always said what I had to say and what I've thought... Maybe within the next week, It'll all come out of my fingers...I'm off till Sunday. So I have time to think and recuperate...and most likely panic some more...

Going to north carolina for thanksgiving. Leaving in about twenty minutes...

Ttyl...