Cr@zy

What the fuck is wrong with the world??

Why is our strength always SAPPED once we start to show our true selves?? How can I be grounded when I don't even know what the earth feels like?? I've lost my mother-land!! Yes Africa. But yes also... I've lost you.

This frame of mind can't rewind time and all our planets align. Make our souls shine. Knowledge is Power and Lack of it is Death. Live strong and mighty by those words.

I have taken a reprieve from my world. To think and rediscover myself. So much has gone on in my mind. I have not made time to make love to myself.

I can hardly bring myself to pick up a paintbrush... God have MERCY on my SOUL... It is young and terrified of dying without even knowing what life is.

It's crazy. Really. Afraid of so much.

Of losing myself to you. And you. And it. And him. And her. And them.

Goodness when will I find peace of mind.

Chasing it. Trying to find mine.


More to come. But for now a blank face stares at me through the canvas. Terrifying to look at.

I create it. I scare myself? Is that inspiration? A gift or a curse?...

Loving myself takes some time when I don't know how or when I stopped doing it...

Breakbeat Escapism

"You're a leader cuz you are so beautiful...La da dee la dee da... This one's for all my stars..."- GNU

My weekend was the bomb... like tick tick boom! : )

Momma's Hip Hop Kitchen!

You already know!! The vibe is always so true and lovely.



A lotta new artists. A couple ones I've seen before. I love my womyn!

Lah Tere! Rebel Diaz! Nene Ali! Misnomers! LMNOP! 3XALADYCREW! GNU!! (MY FAVE) Kalae All Day!! (My other fave) Patty Dukes! And the DJ's were amazing... DJ Chela and DJ Bonnie Danger... Mmmmm tasty...

Mad B-Girls reppin all over the world. Even Austria. :-O

I was truly blessed to see this performance. I got a GOODWOOD ring. Holla!!! You betta go get yoself some goodwood if ya know whats good for ya...

The song I can't get enough of is "Pretty People" by GNU. Check it out. Trust me... You won't be disappointed. These girls are ILL. Ooooh aaaaah...

Got some hair accessories. (Mismatched hanging earrings very Afrocentric...Love them.)

Then went and had mad fun in Queens with my twin and one of my besties. WE some radical feminists ya heard?

Ain't ntn like being out ur mind and still havin political convos. That's what real friends do. :-P

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Anyway... I woke up this morning feelin sorta off balance.

I made it to my first class but soon realized today was no a school day for me. Even though it is beautiful today and it will be for the rest of the week, I can't seem to feel the buzz.

So, I'm home. Gonna sleep and recoup and gain some energy back. I'm drained.

After I sleep, I'm gonna paint and write and juts get back on track with myself.

Because although there are new parts of me I'm discovering, I still need the older, vital parts of me to cooperate. Everyday, I feel myself growing. My mind is expanding at full force and It's hard to keep up with so much I have to do and want to do and need to do.

I've been readin so much. Sooooo much. My mind isn't full yet. I just like to KNOW... ya know?...

My art is not like me at all. It's confined. It's controlled. It's calculated. Damn. I gotta change it all to reflect the me i know now. Visceral....

But first I need sleep.

So sleep first. Then I'll get up and paint and intro y'all to some new poetry.

Ashe.

The Truth is On It's Way

"Black Liberation Educate to Liberate The Liberator Motivators Open Mic Theatre Play Classes Secretary Black Legacy Assata Black Panthers Female Lesbian Feminism I Want a Wife Audre Lorde Lucille Clifton Nikki Giovanni Music Erykah Badu Green Eyes Jazz Nina Simone..."

That was what you would hear flyin around in my brain if you opened the door to it! And cut.

A new page in my Altered Book...



I have many more planned. But you know how school work gets in the way.. :-/ Do you?...

I fixed the painting...



Title: Sagaba

I have many other paintings sketched out and waiting to come alive. I just have to make time for them... Damn man... I'm preparing for the long haul...

I have a list of stuff to buy from Dick Blick... I'm waaaay low on art supplies. Brushes and mineral spirits mostly...

I've been drowning in Nina Simone and I recently was introed to the poetry/ music of Nikki Giovanni. Her Album "The Truth is On It's Way" is a compilation of Black Gospels with her reciting poetry in the midst.

One of my favorite songs is "Peace Be Still/ Great Pax White".



Another is "Ego Trippin"



You just can't deny an anointed sistah...

I'm reading Assata (her autobio). I can't believe I've been so ignorant. I had firm idea of my history. I payed more attention to what my teachers were saying than to what my father was reading. I feel like I'm in the process of claiming parts of myself that never found a home. Black Lesbian Activist Artist Peer Educator Student Leader. That is the me I know has a lot of work to do to fully realize it. All of those parts of me have had some experience but now comes the opportunity to come full force.

So. I'm hosting and Open Mic for Black Legacy. I'm the secretary by the way... :-)

Title is: Motivators. The concept is to use your words, knowledge, spirit and presence to uplift, motivate, educate and hopefully liberate your fellow students. Lot to look forward to. ESPECIALLY my debut on the mic.

Hmmm... What to say what to say??? I'm nervous. D-: I just hope I don't freeze up. I most likely won't though. The Spirit usually comes through in the clutch...

Some new poetry...



I am from Heaven
My lips opened for God's breath and when she shuddered the first baby kicked into tummy of time.
I scare myself sometimes.
Nights when I pray
kneeling to talk to myself
I hold my breath
treading the underside of the truth
grasping for the half lies that keep me here bound to this earth.
Time beats and life forgot how to hold itself
dear you...
When was the last time you spoke to the inkwell
be it brown or
blue skies don't match the color of my tears.
Falling down in waves
trickling down the sink
as I try to catch the last bit of insanity that brought me here.
You poisoned my pen and murdered my message
So what will you do when I decide to stop?
To with hold that last second of maybes and next times.
Claiming your now and hereafter.
Over your black blue bruising hands and lips, eyes and feet.
Assumption of possession of this great black peace.
My body, my dreams and my mind.
Think before I decide.



And that's it... Leave comments if you wish. I'm off to bed now. Class at 930am...

*yaaaawn*

deuces.

Blackbird

I'm up now. Oh. This is Love.

I partied all nite last nite. Then worked all day today. So, naturally, I was a zombie. Came home and KNOCKED OUT. DEAD TO THE WORLD.

Now I'm up after 10 hours of REFRESHING SLEEP.

Now playing- John Legend, Jennifer Hudson, Jazmine Sullivan, IndiaArie, Janelle Monae, K-OS, SADE...

And just I worked on a couple pages of Book of Revelations... It's a start. (Click for larger images...)



That's a pic of my one of my lil twin sisters when they were like one. They're two now.



And that's a pic of my mom when we still lived with my dad's mom in queens and me and my sis were like ten... idk. young. Yea.

Me and my girlfriend are having a problem. And It feels like it's... significant. Sigh. Smh. :-/

And so... Now's the time to sign off. I'm praying for another day ahead of me of course.

Goodnite.

...I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears...