*Leaving Service Area*

Today was a life changing day.

Went to Union Square and applied to maaaaad stores with a resume in hand. I was on a mission.

I also reunited with one of my best friends from middle school. It was awesome. She made things almost bearable. It's all said and done and I'm hurt from inside all the way to my skin. But, in perspective, all this has hurt from the beginning.

It's most likely good that my aching heart will get a break. But, right now, it doesn't feel like it. I'm back to heavy chest heaving crying.

*Sigh*

Catch my breath. Stop thinking about it. The pursuit of happiness is the root of all unhappiness...

My heart is at my feet...broken and sore...

Honestly, I feel like I'm not worth anyone, I'm not good enough, deserted, killed inside, deathly in love. But, since my feelings are not always the truth...I'm sure this is a phase of this thing I have to go through. I gave my life to this relationship. And it didn't work. I tried with everything inside of me. So life afterward (now) will be weird. But, that's life.

I'll be fine. I'll take care of myself for a while. It was not a good idea to entrust myself in such a person. I'm incredibly happy that I was with her though. For however long I had her, my life was beautiful.

I learned to open myself up. I'm not a brick wall anymore. Now I'm just a wall with a door. And it'll be closed for a little bit for construction. I don't want to be the victim...this wasn't a one way thing all the time. We broke me down in our own little ways.

This will be a part of me forever. Never to be forgotten. I've learned that I don't get over things. I learn new ways to handle my feelings or find new feelings. Which is why grudges don't become me. That's a good thing, I believe.

Ashes And Wine - A Fine Frenzy

I feel like vomiting...I'm crying so hard...but tears have lost their novelty...with how much i shed them...I'm gonna go sleep...

That's how children cope with terror...they cry till they fall asleep...

"Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do"

It would suck if the world ended tonite. It would be the time of my reckoning...I wouldn't know what to say...hm.