Stay Vibrating Higher...

I've been having great big long days... They feel so unreal when I get home. They feel like eternities and are worth more than gold... Everyday I expand and Im learning to live with Purpose. Knowledge not just Faith. Because faith is married to doubt... Ya know?? I don't wanna doubt my life. I wanna live without fear. Fear holds me from being that one I know that I can become. I gotta push back against myself sometimes...

And I'm learning that success is married to failure.


Everything has happened for a reason. And everything I do must be a preparation for what will come. I know I will get what I have prayed for. I am building up momentum. I am all that there is and I operate through Love. It's all love. It's all for the love...


I met and connected with actor Mel Jackson today at Hue-Man Bookstore in Harlem. He was doin a theatre workshop which turned into a spiritual gathering focused on moving forward and fulfilling your purpose given by the Creator, God, Love, Nature... through a gift you are born with.

(Of course I gotta put my soul mama on this post. I'm gonna see both my mamas (J Monae and E Badu) on June 7th!!)

Once we know. We have to make a decision which direction we will go without fear or doubt. First steps are the hardest. And I have to take mine 2mm. Now. NOW!!! As I type this letter... I just continued a painting and I wanna continue my altered book and publish some poetry. Make my lists and get on my grind. Jump up from bed running no even stepping anymore. Dance classes are in effect this summer!

I often wonder what gift I am to focus on to bring Light and Love into this world so that I can help save it... Is it painting? Singing? Dancing? Writing? Speaking? Smiling...? But Im gonna stop wondering. I'ma just gonna follow the flow of what is natural for me. Whatever motivation comes to me. Make myself available for the light... Sit in a room alone and let it happen. Pay attention to my dreams.

Becoming more comfortable with the idea of embarrassment because of me showing my soul in front of others.... But that's how we know its real... We feel it. And it's a strong pulse that just leads me and guides me...

Systems of Manifestation of Creativity vary every day for me. You know how I'm always all over the place and I wanna do so much...

False Evidence Appearing Real gets in my way though....!! Grrr. >=(

Anyway... My tattoos and one piercing and hair dye is in effect this summer also. I feel my wings... I'm grooving with mad new music... I dance in my room and imagine choreographing and singing in concert and shit... I gotta make it happen.

Also, I broke up with my Jersey girl. By far the best relationship I've ever been a part of. Also by far the most cataclysmic... Hm.

So I'm a free agent and I'm enjoying another certain beautiful girl... She's just beautiful. We groove so well. So much alike but so very different. Let's call her Daisy the Poet. =) But of course complications arise... But it's ok because I don't need commitment to anyone but myself rite now...

I'm going to focus on my coconut tree soul for a while...

Denice Frohman

One of my favorite poets... blog ... Denice Frohman

Hundreds of miles... - random poem...

As I stand up here and stutter
I see patience in your eyes
As I trip over m words,
I see patience in your eyes.
My hands drip with sweat and I don't know what step to take
and still I see patience in your eyes.

To her who gave me space when ti was time to,
To him who left dinner on the stove for his prodigal daughter
For them who held their broken hearts as I packed my heavy bags
With a smile.

Things are just beginning
and I'm becoming who I am meant to be want to got to be be used to and tried to be.
Being me takes patience.

So, to me who beats her head against brick walls when she fucks shit up
and doesn't listen to her gut
follows her head and not her heart.

From struggle comes beauty
from embarrassment comes revelation.
And with sharing comes something bigger than you and I.

So as I try to calm my spirit and find peace on the stage,
Thank you for the patience...
And the love.

For I so love the world that I share my one and only Sun, that whoever believes in me shall not perish but have eternal light.

Cr@zy

What the fuck is wrong with the world??

Why is our strength always SAPPED once we start to show our true selves?? How can I be grounded when I don't even know what the earth feels like?? I've lost my mother-land!! Yes Africa. But yes also... I've lost you.

This frame of mind can't rewind time and all our planets align. Make our souls shine. Knowledge is Power and Lack of it is Death. Live strong and mighty by those words.

I have taken a reprieve from my world. To think and rediscover myself. So much has gone on in my mind. I have not made time to make love to myself.

I can hardly bring myself to pick up a paintbrush... God have MERCY on my SOUL... It is young and terrified of dying without even knowing what life is.

It's crazy. Really. Afraid of so much.

Of losing myself to you. And you. And it. And him. And her. And them.

Goodness when will I find peace of mind.

Chasing it. Trying to find mine.


More to come. But for now a blank face stares at me through the canvas. Terrifying to look at.

I create it. I scare myself? Is that inspiration? A gift or a curse?...

Loving myself takes some time when I don't know how or when I stopped doing it...

Breakbeat Escapism

"You're a leader cuz you are so beautiful...La da dee la dee da... This one's for all my stars..."- GNU

My weekend was the bomb... like tick tick boom! : )

Momma's Hip Hop Kitchen!

You already know!! The vibe is always so true and lovely.



A lotta new artists. A couple ones I've seen before. I love my womyn!

Lah Tere! Rebel Diaz! Nene Ali! Misnomers! LMNOP! 3XALADYCREW! GNU!! (MY FAVE) Kalae All Day!! (My other fave) Patty Dukes! And the DJ's were amazing... DJ Chela and DJ Bonnie Danger... Mmmmm tasty...

Mad B-Girls reppin all over the world. Even Austria. :-O

I was truly blessed to see this performance. I got a GOODWOOD ring. Holla!!! You betta go get yoself some goodwood if ya know whats good for ya...

The song I can't get enough of is "Pretty People" by GNU. Check it out. Trust me... You won't be disappointed. These girls are ILL. Ooooh aaaaah...

Got some hair accessories. (Mismatched hanging earrings very Afrocentric...Love them.)

Then went and had mad fun in Queens with my twin and one of my besties. WE some radical feminists ya heard?

Ain't ntn like being out ur mind and still havin political convos. That's what real friends do. :-P

***************************************************

Anyway... I woke up this morning feelin sorta off balance.

I made it to my first class but soon realized today was no a school day for me. Even though it is beautiful today and it will be for the rest of the week, I can't seem to feel the buzz.

So, I'm home. Gonna sleep and recoup and gain some energy back. I'm drained.

After I sleep, I'm gonna paint and write and juts get back on track with myself.

Because although there are new parts of me I'm discovering, I still need the older, vital parts of me to cooperate. Everyday, I feel myself growing. My mind is expanding at full force and It's hard to keep up with so much I have to do and want to do and need to do.

I've been readin so much. Sooooo much. My mind isn't full yet. I just like to KNOW... ya know?...

My art is not like me at all. It's confined. It's controlled. It's calculated. Damn. I gotta change it all to reflect the me i know now. Visceral....

But first I need sleep.

So sleep first. Then I'll get up and paint and intro y'all to some new poetry.

Ashe.