*Leaving Service Area*

Today was a life changing day.

Went to Union Square and applied to maaaaad stores with a resume in hand. I was on a mission.

I also reunited with one of my best friends from middle school. It was awesome. She made things almost bearable. It's all said and done and I'm hurt from inside all the way to my skin. But, in perspective, all this has hurt from the beginning.

It's most likely good that my aching heart will get a break. But, right now, it doesn't feel like it. I'm back to heavy chest heaving crying.

*Sigh*

Catch my breath. Stop thinking about it. The pursuit of happiness is the root of all unhappiness...

My heart is at my feet...broken and sore...

Honestly, I feel like I'm not worth anyone, I'm not good enough, deserted, killed inside, deathly in love. But, since my feelings are not always the truth...I'm sure this is a phase of this thing I have to go through. I gave my life to this relationship. And it didn't work. I tried with everything inside of me. So life afterward (now) will be weird. But, that's life.

I'll be fine. I'll take care of myself for a while. It was not a good idea to entrust myself in such a person. I'm incredibly happy that I was with her though. For however long I had her, my life was beautiful.

I learned to open myself up. I'm not a brick wall anymore. Now I'm just a wall with a door. And it'll be closed for a little bit for construction. I don't want to be the victim...this wasn't a one way thing all the time. We broke me down in our own little ways.

This will be a part of me forever. Never to be forgotten. I've learned that I don't get over things. I learn new ways to handle my feelings or find new feelings. Which is why grudges don't become me. That's a good thing, I believe.

Ashes And Wine - A Fine Frenzy

I feel like vomiting...I'm crying so hard...but tears have lost their novelty...with how much i shed them...I'm gonna go sleep...

That's how children cope with terror...they cry till they fall asleep...

"Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do"

It would suck if the world ended tonite. It would be the time of my reckoning...I wouldn't know what to say...hm.

written in stone

I decided not to refrain from what I really wanna do. That is post about her. I mean...come on...it's only natural...do what i wanna do and say what i wanna say...ya digg?



I had a good conversation with my boss and a fellow artist in my class. About relationships and art, respectively.

I have a great sense of self control but i use it at the weirdest times. When I really shouldn't.

I wanted to paint something two days ago...and I didn't want to mess it up...so I didn't do it.

But it was brought to my attention that you can't mess something up that you didn't even start yet. So, being me...I applied that to every aspect of my life...and alot makes sense from then on...

Distraction - Angels & Airwaves

turn my head

Heartless - Kanye West

ugh....UGH!!!! Grrr....I hate it!!!

I wish I was a baby. They have no worries. All they do is make a sound and the world moves to their liking...their purpose...



<---Tahlia. Not a care in the world. Loves the Upside Down Show.



Hanna--->
Happy go lucky...ain't she??

I just realized that I hit bottom a little while ago. And, I sat there waiting for people to pick me up again. That's why I'm glad life is the way it is. You're not a baby for long.

I've depended on a lot of things...a lot of people...a lot of circumstances...to determine how I will get on. And, life being the way it is, promptly bitch slapped me a couple times so I'd get the picture.

I'm the only one who can control me. That scares me and it also liberates me. I'm the kind of person who is subtlety self destructive. I just don't know when to do things. I'm never on time and I'm confused as to which choice i should make. Then that leads to things making the choice for me.

So I walk fast. And I try hard. So hard. With all my heart and mind to find out when to not try so hard. But, in all reality, that's how I was brought up.

"Saying you can't means you don't try."<---damn parents...

I'll never understand life and all it's coincidences and cruel realities and constant changes. Even if I grow up to be 80, 90 years old. If a youngin comes up to me, asks..."what do you do when...(profound life subject)...???".

Old, short, wrinkly me (still a hottie)- "Me?? You're asking me?? No idea. I have no idea. :-/ Sorry. :-) Ask the man upstairs. :-P"

I just realized that when I'm old and wrinkly...I'm gonna be texting and using smileys and shit like that...and all the youngins are probably gonna be telepathic and what not.

And, so...as i get my self together...I'm watching my self fall apart...to build something...you have to tear down what was there before...leave the foundation...

With my head down, I drew this in physics when I was supposed to be doing a lab.


Full...


Detail 1


Detail 2


Detail 3

Not quite sure if it's readable... it's ok. :-?

The War - Angels And Airwaves

TAKE IT AND RUN

I'm not lookin for sumone to stay.
I'm not lookin for sumone to love me.
I'm not lookin for sumone to turn me out.
I'm not lookin for sumone to put it down.
I'm not lookin for sumone to break me off.
I'm not lookin for sumone to stay.
Because lookin won't work.
I'm happy now. That's what counts.
But I hope that sumone is lookin for me.
*smilez*



I drew this when i was chillin in my room listenin to Q-Tip and his bad self... . Haha. Yes yes ya'll. It's a kiss.

The past times that I've refrained from bloggin did me sum real real real real good.
Things are in perspective. And things are fun.

Today was an amazing day. I laughed so much I just felt high. :-)

Rite now, i'm kinda sick. Really stuffy and coughing like a creeper. :-( gah...

But it's ok. I'll be fine tommorrow. I think I found my prom dress.




But honestly I don't know who I'm going with. Like I planned but plans have been fucking up lately.

Realistically, some people just aren't reliable. I'd rather get things in order and plan for messed up plans cause I don't want everything to come in a rush.

Thought List:
1) college money!!! UGH!!!
2) fun...(worry not)
3) my little sister
4) prom date
5) second job...(hunting is a bitch)
6) I FUCKING HATE SKOOL


I feel like I've thought enough about alot. And I've done alot. I know I need to do more. That's what makes me happy. Doing things and seeing results.

I definitely succeeded today in that area. Got that money...:-) score.

So. Nite nite. Expect more sketches. Ima oil paint tonite.

electric relaxation - a tribe called quest

Passion much??

Yes, indeed.

Running Jump

This blog has not yet been started. Soon it will come. This is just a heads up. Maybe it'll start this summer. Maybe tomorrow. I don't know. :-)