...I have two pillows on my bed.
One belongs under my head and the other goes between my legs. I've never contemplated why the other went between my legs but It makes me feel so good all around.
Nobody has ever held me in my sleep...slipped their hands around my hips and nestled their face into my neck...Something inside of me says I deserve that. Just somebody who is more than a friend to sleep beside me and hold me. I don't think it's too much to ask.
The first time I felt this way was when my then current girlfriend slept with my then current friend. Had her sleep over...watch her face in the waking moments of the morning. I fucking hated her forever for it...but I held on hoping that one day it would be my eyes she decided to look into one morning. Because I thought It was mine. I did so much to keep things together. And the backstabbing bitch who did shit got it all. Hm. Lol.
I was too inexperienced to realize that the moment wasn't mine to have...
That's why I love life. :-) It's about learning...among other things.
2:37 and 3:00 in Maxwell's Pretty Wings video makes me catch my breath...I'm obsessed with the women in the video...Amazing.
Maxwell - Pretty Wings (High Quality)
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989. - See the latest featured music videos.
This song has touched me to the core for some reason... Many reasons. It got so personal...Makes me think if relationships, me, and the story of my life.
Never have I had someone love me as strongly and deeply and unconditionally as I've loved them. It's a blessing to have such a strong heart but It also makes me used to being let down...and things not working out.
I'm surprised that my Jersey Girl showed up in the village like that...in those situations...I'm ready to be let down. For the person to not show up. That night, I took mad long to get all sexied up...but in the back of my mind there was a voice that was telling me that it wouldn't happen.
Hmm...It's such a shame. I'm not even trying to put myself to sleep with a sob story. I'm telling the honest truth. All of my relationships have been like...an orgasm that is RIGHT THERE but it just won't come no matter how hard you try. It's made me rock my weeping self to sleep many-a-time.
That's why I always do it myself. But I somehow stay open.
...I've been thinking about God. And how I'm supposedly condemned. And why good things happen to bad people. Just really deep thoughts for absolutely no reason but that I have a mind.
Aside from the fact that she is irresistibly sexy, Meshell is a blessing to this world. Her words and her outlook on life is unlike any I've ever seen. And she raises so many questions. About politics, identity, and expression.
I feel like I need to write a poem rite now...or create something. A sculpture. I feel like my hands are reaching for more than just a paintbrush...I daydream about installations. That kind of creation is what I'm sliding towards now.
That above is an old piece. Completed last summer during my last and most complicated relationship. If you were there, it would've been visceral. But now...it's virtual. It was rained on...fucked with by asshole art students...but every morning, I got up and filled up new balloons and made it look brand new.
That's me.
It's Not a Party: Relationships. They're a delicate push and pull. Minds are confused, hearts are broken, and lungs are filled and emptied until they feel like bursting. But we can't lose the connection- that hopeful beginning- those foundations.
My question for tonight is... How much knowledge must u gain in order to stop being naive?
...My guess is there aren't enough apples on that tree.
2 comments:
yes, we all deserve that. question is, is it the right thing to do or just the easy thing to do?
i really don't know a lot of things about life but i don't think we ever stop being naive. there's always something that we don't know. when it comes to love, good luck. everyone's autistic. haha
I understand where you are coming from Lany.
as to being naive, you're not you are just
loving and hopeful. I learned that lesson,
don't internalize - you aren't doing anything
wrong - just keep hoping on a positive note.
nadege, my pen name means Hope.
I get dissed too, but I've learned to move
on - if it's really bad find a really consuming distraction to help.
Lany you will find that someone who will
spoon with you in the bed and cuddle you
to your heart's content - someone who
appreciates your generous heart.
OHYEAH! does Me'shell rock or what!
Oh MY GOSH - and ya know I don't use caps
all that much. LOVE her message - she goes
deep into the mind - her songs are naked -
she so honest, authentic.
And yeah girlfriedn is soooooo awesomely HOT.
her voice alone makes me orgasm.
Love - STAY and When WE Make Love [i think
that title is wrong]
LOVIN" on MESHELL -- now that would be
a fantasy come true for real.
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